5 – Random Friend Requests: Yes, I’m fully aware that in today’s mythical age of technological marvel and wonder, one’s status in society is measured by how many Facebook friends you have. But honestly, does this mean that you really need to go about friending all your friends friends friends? I think not. I can’t think of a day that goes by without getting a friend request from random person in Doobetyville for no reason other than them being afflicted with spastic click-itis. Honestly, people, if you have seven thousand facebook friends, I KNOW you don’t know all of em. Jeesh.

4 – Utterly Pointless Facebook Groups: Yet another mighty annoyance. People, do we really need Facebook groups for ‘I Like Eating Pickles with Cheddar Cheese in My Underwear’? I think not. I don’t know about you, but bonding with other people over ‘We Love Paris Hilton Forever’ just ain’t my particular cup of Facebook tea.

3 – Idiotic Applications: This one needs no introduction. Each morning, as I rise to greet a new glorious day, my Facebook feed screams at me, beckoning me, nay, insisting that I absolutely must check out my dear friend’s pig farm, mafia group or newly discovered whosawhatsimacallit. I hate to break it to you, Facebookers, but I truly don’t care that you’ve just discovered gold or held up three banks or crowned the new Don of New York City.

2 – Like? Dislike!: Okay, so we’re all familiar with Facebook’s nauseously cheerful ‘Like’ feature. The ability to like all your friends’ drunken photos, random wall postings and such is just to tempting to pass up. But hey, fair is fair, if I don’t like what you post (a very frequent occurence, I might add), shouldn’t I have the ability to give you a big fat Facebook thumbs down? Mmm hmm.

1 – The Poke: I swear to god and by everything that is spicy, if you poke me one more time….What is it with all the Facebook poking? Jesus, I’m sore already. Facebook seriously needs to give me the option to ‘Kick’ back – For self defense!

Tags: Annoying people, Etiquette, Facebook, Featured, Humor, Irritating people, People, Social, Technology

• 5 – The Dreaded Red ! – I’m sure most of you are familiar with one of the most annoying features in our email programs; the dastardly red little exclamation points which indicate that the email is of the utmost important, is an excruciating matter of cubicle life and death and absotively, posilutely just cannot wait another second. Yep, I hate it too. And as if that wasn’t horrific enough, how about those annoying coworkers of yours who just have to send it with every freaking email? You’d think replacing the air freshener in the bathroom was a matter of national security (well, I’ll give ya that one, sometimes it is). It’s enough to drive one batty (-er).
  
• 4 – The Miltons – Who remembers Milton from Office Space? Miltons are those quirky annoying coworkers of ours who huddle behind their desks, feverishly protecting their beloved post-it notes and staplers. And if you should be the unfortunate soul who borrows the aforementioned stapler, may god and buddha protect you, because the Miltons will burn the blessed building down to find it (and you) and wreak terrifying office vengeance upon your wretched self. They’re pretty easy to spot as they’re usually the ones who meticulously label each and every one of their office supplies with their name in giant bold letters. Anyone else out there know any Miltons?

• 3 – The Snitch – This one’s an annoying character with particularly turd-like tendencies. These people are under the semi-amusing notion that snitching to their superiors on every little thing will somehow help their career. Um. Newsflash. Wrong. Guess what? The people they’re snitching on hate em, the people they’re snitching to secretly hate em – Even the stolen office post-it notes hate em. No one likes a snitch. Sleep with da cubicle fishes. Fuhgeddaboutit.

• 2 - The Rude Grump – Ah, yes, one of my favorites (gag). These are the highly annoying creatures that walk around with a perpetual frown, never say please or thank you, throw a hissy fit when they run out of cornflakes and just generally thrive on discombobulating everyone around them. I always make sure and ask them two questions: 1 – “…and who peed in your coffee today?”, and 2 – “And why the bloody hell did you drink it?”. Enough said, methinks.

• 1 – The Creep – Unfortunately, we’ve all got to deal with these ninnies, both in our workplace and in our personal lives. These are the guys (or girls) who randomly stare at you and grin for no reason. Slowly. They’ll saunter up behind you at your desk, stealing glances at your computer screen and drawl in that creepy voice of theirs: “Sooooo….you’re on facebook, huh?……Nice.” Makes me wanna fling a stapler in their general direction. THUD. Ah, that feels better.

I’m sure I’ve left some of these funky creepazoids out, so as always, please feel free to add your own questions, comments or catcalls.

Tags: Annoying Coworkers, Annoying people, Etiquette, Humor, Irritating people, People, Social

But you want to eat garlic. It’s healthy. Keeps the blood flowin’, right? First of all, take responsibility for the fact that you’re causing mass garlic hysteria. True story. Accept it. Second, do something about it. Your simplest option would be to stay away from the gagful stuff, but I know you’re not gonna do that – It’s too precious, yes? Well, you’ve still got options, my garlic-infused friends. Eat your garlic, then brush your teeth! Simple, right? If you’re on the go, take one of those mini breath fresheners or a Tic Tac! You’ll save yourself both a load of embarrassment and prevent me from duct taping your lips shut. We all win.

Anyone else out there have horrifying encounters with those of the garlic kind? Do be a dear and share.

Tags: Annoying people, Bad breath, Environment, Etiquette, Garlic breath, Humor, Irritating people, Social

It seems as though one of the things technology has swiftly replaced is our ability to communicate properly (see Man Vs Machine Part 1 and Part 2), and now it seems it has almost successfully reduced the English language into a pile of vowelish rubble. Internet acronyms are widely used to convey emotions and regularly-used social phrases. Sure, it’s innocent enough in concept, but it’s gone way too far. You can’t visit a chat room, text someone, or get an email that doesn’t feature several lols or wtfs. Unfrickinbelievable.

So in my never-ending quest for truth and justice, I endeavored to do something revolutionary. Yes, I wrote an entire paragraph consisting entirely of internet acronyms attempting to see if they can possibly replace our everyday words. Is this what our once-magnificent language has been reduced to? Out of the utter and sheer goodness of my New York heart, I’ve even included punctuation to make it easier to read. Something tells me that won’t help, though.

Acronym: LMFAO! IAC, ICUR IBC. IITYWTMWYKM? JK! BAIK. HHO1/2K! TM, TTBOMK, YSS. SHM! BTW, CSY. DUCWIM?

Translation: Laughing my f*cking ass off! In any case, I see you are inadequate but cute. If I tell you what this means, will you kiss me? Just kidding! Boy, am I confused. Ha ha, only half kidding! Trust me, to the best of my knowledge, you suck severely. Sh*t happens, man! By the way, can’t stop yawning. Do you see what I mean?

This is truly a tragic day, my friends, because this is what our magnificent language has been reduced to. And, yes, these are examples of real-life internet acronyms that are used every day (see here). Anyone else sick of lols replacing the language we once knew and loved? As always, any comments, catcalls and booyas in my general direction are muchly appreciated.

Tags: Annoying people, Education, Etiquette, Internet acronyms, Irritating people, People, Social, Social Interaction, Technology, Texting

Let’s review, shall we? Pay attention now. *snicker* Ahem. Officially, ADHD symptoms include inattentiveness, the tendency to dream or space out a lot, being easily distracted by outside events that others tend to ignore, procrastination, general disorganization and discombobulation, forgetfulness, fidgeting and squirming, talking excessively (guilty as charged, your honor), and other various assorted goodies. ADHD sounds lovely, non? Actually, it is. Here, ladies and gentleman, is where your re-education begins.

Unfortunately for those of us gifted with the double-edged sword of ADD or ADHD, society and the mammals known as human beings tend to be afraid of and isolate those who are different from the general flock of sheep. Baaaaaah. Anyone who tends to go their own way or attempts to be different and question the norm gets labeled as an outcast. I’m not bitter here, these are just facts – Basic human psychology, folks. It’s because people with ADHD question the very fabric of society people are so comfortably blanketed in, and, well, it scares those who do not. So, conveniently for those not blessed with ADHD, they labeled it as a disorder and proceeded to attempt to sedate and/or stuff pills down the throats of people who don’t know better, in the hopes of making them conform – So they don’t threaten their perfect little world.

Now here’s where your re-education comes in. The facts are, in fact, that ADHD is not a disorder. Far from it. ADHD is so much of a gift, you wish you had it. Oh, sorry, there aren’t any little green pills that will magically give you ADD. Bummer. ADHD-ers are actually brilliant – They’re the heros when going gets tough, highly creative problem solvers, have unlimited energy (for those things that catch their interest), are industrious and ambitious, thrive in areas involving thrill, excitement and risk, rebels (with a cause), and make absolutely great leaders when their gifts are properly utilized.

Don’t believe me? Fine. Skepticm acknowledged. Ever hear of a little guy named Thomas Edison? Yes, yes, he invented the light bulb, genius, and yes, he also had ADHD. How about a quirky little fella called Albert Einstein? Yep, ADHD. You want someone more recent? Try George Lucas, P. Diddy and Bono of U2 – All ADHD and all unarguably quite freakin’ brilliant. It’s about time people both realize and acknowledge the fact that ADHD is not a disorder, but a gift.

This is also a perfect opportunity for those individuals with ADHD to realize that they’re blessed, unlike society would lead them to believe. There’s a fantastic new book out there, written by Garret LoPorto, a fellow ADHD-er, that enlightens the brilliance of the ADHD mind (which makes up less than 10% of the world population, mind you). The DaVinci Method (yes, he had it too) educates the world-at-large on the wonders of ADHD and more importantly, teaches you to harness and make use of the incredible gifts that ADHD has to offer. The DaVinci Method can be gotten here. It’s a fantastic read and highly, highly recommended. And as always, my inattentive readers, I’d love to hear any comments, criticisms or snorts, so please, feel free.

Tags: ADD, ADHD, Davinci method, Education, Humor, Kids, People, Social

I can’t tell you how many times I’m walking down a quiet New York City street, drinking in the character of the city and smoking a cigarette, when some guy walking by locks eyes with me out of the blue and just stares. It’s infuriating! How about at your local supermarket? You’re standing in line at the checkout counter, and the eyes of the guy in front of you slowly and calculatedly travel over the microwave dinners and deodorant in your basket before finally coming to rest on you. Grrrr. It’s enough to make me go postal on them with the nearest can of Right Guard.

I’ve been sitting in a corner of a quiet little grease joint enjoying my dinner on several occasions when my reverie has been interrupted by some travelling weirdos outside the restaurant window who inexplicably decide to peruse me….and my steak burrito. Are they hungry or what? WTF. Seriously.

Anyone else out there hate being stared at? Do tell me what you all think. I’ll be waiting right here with bated breath, as per usual.

Tags: Annoying people, Etiquette, Irritating people, People who stare, Social, Social Interaction, Staring

Technology is awesome and all, but it makes me see bright, fiery red when people replace any social interaction with technology. Dude. Texting is awesome if you’ve got something quick to say, but honestly, how can you not realize that it will never replace in-person interaction or even a phone conversation? God. They’re just empty words. Yes, words have personality and feeling too – But nowhere close to real one-on-one. It seems as though texting, email, Blackberry messenger and Facebook have conveniently made the population at large forget that there’s a real world out there – REAL people, REAL interaction!

I’m the first to admit that technology is awesome and definitely has its uses, but it’s replacing our lives! Remember that scene in Wall-E where all the human beings are upwards of 400 pounds, get rolled around in motorized wheelchairs, are attended to by freaky looking robots and whose vocabulary range borders that of a four-year old? That’s where we’re headed! Look, I’ll shut up now (finally), but do us all (and yourselves) a favor – Leave the cell at home. Go out. Have fun with some real people. Get completely wasted at 5 in the morning and pee on the street corner of a busy street while laughing hysterically….and then tell me that Facebook is more fun. God. Who’s with me?

PS. Yes, I do realize that I’m not making my case any stronger by encouraging people to respond online. Well, smartass, I’m only making an exception here because the last thing I need right now is my poor blackberry ringing off the hook with my disgruntled readers calling me dirty names, questioning the legitimacy of my conception and generally calling me a hypocrite. So, my lovely readers (yes, yes, I do really love you), do what you do best: Comment!

Tags: Email, Etiquette, Facebook, Social, Technology, Texting