5 – Random Friend Requests: Yes, I’m fully aware that in today’s mythical age of technological marvel and wonder, one’s status in society is measured by how many Facebook friends you have. But honestly, does this mean that you really need to go about friending all your friends friends friends? I think not. I can’t think of a day that goes by without getting a friend request from random person in Doobetyville for no reason other than them being afflicted with spastic click-itis. Honestly, people, if you have seven thousand facebook friends, I KNOW you don’t know all of em. Jeesh.

4 – Utterly Pointless Facebook Groups: Yet another mighty annoyance. People, do we really need Facebook groups for ‘I Like Eating Pickles with Cheddar Cheese in My Underwear’? I think not. I don’t know about you, but bonding with other people over ‘We Love Paris Hilton Forever’ just ain’t my particular cup of Facebook tea.

3 – Idiotic Applications: This one needs no introduction. Each morning, as I rise to greet a new glorious day, my Facebook feed screams at me, beckoning me, nay, insisting that I absolutely must check out my dear friend’s pig farm, mafia group or newly discovered whosawhatsimacallit. I hate to break it to you, Facebookers, but I truly don’t care that you’ve just discovered gold or held up three banks or crowned the new Don of New York City.

2 – Like? Dislike!: Okay, so we’re all familiar with Facebook’s nauseously cheerful ‘Like’ feature. The ability to like all your friends’ drunken photos, random wall postings and such is just to tempting to pass up. But hey, fair is fair, if I don’t like what you post (a very frequent occurence, I might add), shouldn’t I have the ability to give you a big fat Facebook thumbs down? Mmm hmm.

1 – The Poke: I swear to god and by everything that is spicy, if you poke me one more time….What is it with all the Facebook poking? Jesus, I’m sore already. Facebook seriously needs to give me the option to ‘Kick’ back – For self defense!

Tags: Annoying people, Etiquette, Facebook, Featured, Humor, Irritating people, People, Social, Technology

Technology is awesome and all, but it makes me see bright, fiery red when people replace any social interaction with technology. Dude. Texting is awesome if you’ve got something quick to say, but honestly, how can you not realize that it will never replace in-person interaction or even a phone conversation? God. They’re just empty words. Yes, words have personality and feeling too – But nowhere close to real one-on-one. It seems as though texting, email, Blackberry messenger and Facebook have conveniently made the population at large forget that there’s a real world out there – REAL people, REAL interaction!

I’m the first to admit that technology is awesome and definitely has its uses, but it’s replacing our lives! Remember that scene in Wall-E where all the human beings are upwards of 400 pounds, get rolled around in motorized wheelchairs, are attended to by freaky looking robots and whose vocabulary range borders that of a four-year old? That’s where we’re headed! Look, I’ll shut up now (finally), but do us all (and yourselves) a favor – Leave the cell at home. Go out. Have fun with some real people. Get completely wasted at 5 in the morning and pee on the street corner of a busy street while laughing hysterically….and then tell me that Facebook is more fun. God. Who’s with me?

PS. Yes, I do realize that I’m not making my case any stronger by encouraging people to respond online. Well, smartass, I’m only making an exception here because the last thing I need right now is my poor blackberry ringing off the hook with my disgruntled readers calling me dirty names, questioning the legitimacy of my conception and generally calling me a hypocrite. So, my lovely readers (yes, yes, I do really love you), do what you do best: Comment!

Tags: Email, Etiquette, Facebook, Social, Technology, Texting