Facebook. Gotta love it. Gotta love to hate it, too. Sure, it puts you in touch with your long lost dearly beloved sister’s boyfriend’s mom’s sister-in-law’s cat’s pet turtle’s estranged brother – Invaluable, I know. But let’s, er, face it, facebook is annoying. There are just some things about Facebook that we all can’t stand.
Read more
So you’re sitting comfortably in your bright yellow ’67 Chevy surrounded by well used Coke cans and a Le Big Mac or three, when the psychedelic flashing of the red, yellow and green lights of the traffic signal looming before you interrupts your internal ecstasy. What to do? Stop? Go? Slow? Speed? All-together-simultaneously, perhaps?
Read more
What speaks more of the pure evil of humanity than the shriveled cowards who exploit those suffering and dying in the wake of the Haiti earthquake? It’s unspeakable. Think about it. There are people out there who are knowingly and willingly taking potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars that could be saving lives for their own twisted uses. Is it any better than pulling the trigger themselves? I think not. Haiti scammers, you disgust me.
Read more
Bad fast food. It’s 10pm, you’re finally heading back home after a treacherous day at the office, and all you want to do is sit back with your favorite Teletubby episodes and grab something delicious for dinner on the way home. With your precious greasy cargo in tow, you plop down on the sofa and gleefully unwrap the neon green plastic wrap. Your slackjawed attention squarely on the screen in front of you, you barely glance at the slop in your hand. You’re rudely awakened from your reverie, however, when you suddenly discover that your “fresh” roast beef on rye suspiciously tastes like four-week old moldy salmon. Gag.
Read more
Today’s rant is long overdue, people. Most of us in our right minds (present company excluded, of course) don’t look forward to going to work, and the last thing we want to deal with is an onslaught of annoying coworkers.
Okay, this one’s for all you garlic addicts out there. Gag. Ahem. Now, in all fairness, I fully understand the health benefits of eating raw garlic. Garlic has been known to have countless health benefits over the years, and honestly, I can’t blame you for that. Well, actually, I can. There is no way to say this eloquently, my friends, so I’ll just go ahead and yell; Garlic breath stinks!
Read more
So, my fellow sarcastic anomalies, this is part 3 in my ongoing hysterical rant regarding technology replacing that very special organ lodged within our heads. Technology is slowly but surely taking over the very traits that mark us as human beings. If this isn’t an example of bad technology, I’m not sure what is. Internet acronyms. If your response to that was “Wtf?”, then I’m afraid you’re one of the subjects of this particular rant.
Read more
So you’re running late to work, stubbed your toe on the way out the door, shook your fist at the hordes of traffic and nearly swallowed your breakfast whole. Not a fun morning – I sympathize. Truly. Which is precisely why the last thing you need in your angst-ridden life is to wait on line for forty-five minutes at an ATM machine.
Read more
So, people, today’s rant is dedicated to all those fellow shoppers who just can’t seem to stop annoying us. We’ve all seen em. We all know em. You know who you are.
“So, like, I was, like, on the avenue today and there was more traffic than usual, like so much traffic it was, like, annoying me, and I honked at this guy who was in my way, like, I honked twice, and, like, he didn’t even move, but then I found parking, and, like, I was walking up the avenue, and I saw a dress in Macy’s that was, like, so cool, and, you know, I usually like shopping, but it was so busy, and then, like, I got hungry, which is so weird because, like, it was only twelve o’clock, and I never eat lunch until two o’clock, but then my nose, like, started itching which is, like, so weird because, like, my nose never itches and when I scratched it, it felt, like, soooooo good…..”
Read more