It seems as though one of the things technology has swiftly replaced is our ability to communicate properly (see Man Vs Machine Part 1 and Part 2), and now it seems it has almost successfully reduced the English language into a pile of vowelish rubble. Internet acronyms are widely used to convey emotions and regularly-used social phrases. Sure, it’s innocent enough in concept, but it’s gone way too far. You can’t visit a chat room, text someone, or get an email that doesn’t feature several lols or wtfs. Unfrickinbelievable.

So in my never-ending quest for truth and justice, I endeavored to do something revolutionary. Yes, I wrote an entire paragraph consisting entirely of internet acronyms attempting to see if they can possibly replace our everyday words. Is this what our once-magnificent language has been reduced to? Out of the utter and sheer goodness of my New York heart, I’ve even included punctuation to make it easier to read. Something tells me that won’t help, though.

Acronym: LMFAO! IAC, ICUR IBC. IITYWTMWYKM? JK! BAIK. HHO1/2K! TM, TTBOMK, YSS. SHM! BTW, CSY. DUCWIM?

Translation: Laughing my f*cking ass off! In any case, I see you are inadequate but cute. If I tell you what this means, will you kiss me? Just kidding! Boy, am I confused. Ha ha, only half kidding! Trust me, to the best of my knowledge, you suck severely. Sh*t happens, man! By the way, can’t stop yawning. Do you see what I mean?

This is truly a tragic day, my friends, because this is what our magnificent language has been reduced to. And, yes, these are examples of real-life internet acronyms that are used every day (see here). Anyone else sick of lols replacing the language we once knew and loved? As always, any comments, catcalls and booyas in my general direction are muchly appreciated.

Tags: Annoying people, Education, Etiquette, Internet acronyms, Irritating people, People, Social, Social Interaction, Technology, Texting

Let’s review, shall we? Pay attention now. *snicker* Ahem. Officially, ADHD symptoms include inattentiveness, the tendency to dream or space out a lot, being easily distracted by outside events that others tend to ignore, procrastination, general disorganization and discombobulation, forgetfulness, fidgeting and squirming, talking excessively (guilty as charged, your honor), and other various assorted goodies. ADHD sounds lovely, non? Actually, it is. Here, ladies and gentleman, is where your re-education begins.

Unfortunately for those of us gifted with the double-edged sword of ADD or ADHD, society and the mammals known as human beings tend to be afraid of and isolate those who are different from the general flock of sheep. Baaaaaah. Anyone who tends to go their own way or attempts to be different and question the norm gets labeled as an outcast. I’m not bitter here, these are just facts – Basic human psychology, folks. It’s because people with ADHD question the very fabric of society people are so comfortably blanketed in, and, well, it scares those who do not. So, conveniently for those not blessed with ADHD, they labeled it as a disorder and proceeded to attempt to sedate and/or stuff pills down the throats of people who don’t know better, in the hopes of making them conform – So they don’t threaten their perfect little world.

Now here’s where your re-education comes in. The facts are, in fact, that ADHD is not a disorder. Far from it. ADHD is so much of a gift, you wish you had it. Oh, sorry, there aren’t any little green pills that will magically give you ADD. Bummer. ADHD-ers are actually brilliant – They’re the heros when going gets tough, highly creative problem solvers, have unlimited energy (for those things that catch their interest), are industrious and ambitious, thrive in areas involving thrill, excitement and risk, rebels (with a cause), and make absolutely great leaders when their gifts are properly utilized.

Don’t believe me? Fine. Skepticm acknowledged. Ever hear of a little guy named Thomas Edison? Yes, yes, he invented the light bulb, genius, and yes, he also had ADHD. How about a quirky little fella called Albert Einstein? Yep, ADHD. You want someone more recent? Try George Lucas, P. Diddy and Bono of U2 – All ADHD and all unarguably quite freakin’ brilliant. It’s about time people both realize and acknowledge the fact that ADHD is not a disorder, but a gift.

This is also a perfect opportunity for those individuals with ADHD to realize that they’re blessed, unlike society would lead them to believe. There’s a fantastic new book out there, written by Garret LoPorto, a fellow ADHD-er, that enlightens the brilliance of the ADHD mind (which makes up less than 10% of the world population, mind you). The DaVinci Method (yes, he had it too) educates the world-at-large on the wonders of ADHD and more importantly, teaches you to harness and make use of the incredible gifts that ADHD has to offer. The DaVinci Method can be gotten here. It’s a fantastic read and highly, highly recommended. And as always, my inattentive readers, I’d love to hear any comments, criticisms or snorts, so please, feel free.

Tags: ADD, ADHD, Davinci method, Education, Humor, Kids, People, Social

• Hansel and Gretel: Charming story, isn’t this? Two little siblings have lost their parents, go for a walk in the woods, meet a blind old witch with a candy house who wants to eat the children for early morning brunch and imprison them in her own house, fattening them up so they can make a good meal for her. What values, precisely, does this instill our children? The only values I can think of are instilling them with an early desire to be the new Hannibal Lecter. Just groovy.

• Goldilocks and The Three Bears: Oh, here’s another classic. A beautiful little blonde girl doesn’t listen to her mommy, runs into the forest and stumbles on a charming house inhabited by three not-so-charming bears. After thoroughly ransacking the bear’s home (medieval breaking-and-entry, anyone?), the three bears return home to find the aforementioned Goldilocks and proceed to chase her, no doubt with every intention of replacing their meal of stolen porridge with a nutritious protein meal consisting of little girl stew. Um, hello, are we trying to give our little ones nightmares? What’s the point here – Listen to your parents or you’ll be eaten by bears? Unbelievable.

• Little Red Riding Hood: Yet another fascinating tale depicting what happens to kids when they try to be good. So, this innocent little girl, dressed in her little red cape, goes into the woods to visit her elderly sick Grandma and even packs her a nutritious lunch. Does her Grandma hug her, kiss her, and tell her what a good girl she’s been? Oh, heavens no. In a typical psychotic fairytale twist, Little Red Riding Hood’s Grandma has been eaten by an evil wolf who’s waiting in her bed, just salivating at the thought of having fresh little-girl-casserole. Yummy. So, I’m guessing the lesson to our little loved ones is, behave and you’ll be eaten? Fantastic.

• Snow White: Ah, yet another beautiful childrens tale of love, lust, beauty and….certain painful death? Snow White is an adorable little princess who’s Mother, the beautiful Queen, dies in childbirth. The kingdom is taken over by an evil Queen who is so obsessed with her own beauty, that she takes it upon herself to hunt poor Snow White down so she remains the most beautiful woman in the land. Several tainted apples, poisoned hairbrushes and weird little seven dwarfs later, the evil queen meets her own demise. I’m completely mystified as to the lesson behind this one. Teaching children the value of plastic surgery at an early age? Or perhaps, destroy anyone more beautiful than you? Please, I’m begging you, enlighten me.

I can site several more psychotic fairytales for the entertainment value of it all, but I think I’ve made my point quite clear. Anyone out there see any value in scaring our kids with these frightful bedtime stories? Doesn’t anyone think these stories are perhaps the remnants of a previous world and should be left as such? As always, I’d love to hear any comments or insights you might have. And don’t forget to use our new submission feature at the top of the page to add your very own complaints and observations! There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home. Oy.

Tags: Annoying people, Children, Education, Fairy tales, Humor, Kids