Facebook. Gotta love it. Gotta love to hate it, too. Sure, it puts you in touch with your long lost dearly beloved sister’s boyfriend’s mom’s sister-in-law’s cat’s pet turtle’s estranged brother – Invaluable, I know. But let’s, er, face it, facebook is annoying. There are just some things about Facebook that we all can’t stand.
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Truth. What a funny, sad, ridiculous word. How ironic it is that the word itself has no truth. It’s occurred to me as of late that there is no absolute truth in anything.
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So you’re sitting comfortably in your bright yellow ’67 Chevy surrounded by well used Coke cans and a Le Big Mac or three, when the psychedelic flashing of the red, yellow and green lights of the traffic signal looming before you interrupts your internal ecstasy. What to do? Stop? Go? Slow? Speed? All-together-simultaneously, perhaps?
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What speaks more of the pure evil of humanity than the shriveled cowards who exploit those suffering and dying in the wake of the Haiti earthquake? It’s unspeakable. Think about it. There are people out there who are knowingly and willingly taking potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars that could be saving lives for their own twisted uses. Is it any better than pulling the trigger themselves? I think not. Haiti scammers, you disgust me.
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Bad fast food. It’s 10pm, you’re finally heading back home after a treacherous day at the office, and all you want to do is sit back with your favorite Teletubby episodes and grab something delicious for dinner on the way home. With your precious greasy cargo in tow, you plop down on the sofa and gleefully unwrap the neon green plastic wrap. Your slackjawed attention squarely on the screen in front of you, you barely glance at the slop in your hand. You’re rudely awakened from your reverie, however, when you suddenly discover that your “fresh” roast beef on rye suspiciously tastes like four-week old moldy salmon. Gag.
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Today’s rant is long overdue, people. Most of us in our right minds (present company excluded, of course) don’t look forward to going to work, and the last thing we want to deal with is an onslaught of annoying coworkers.
Just so we’re all on the same demented page here, I’m an unabashed music lover. Even if I’m not into a particular music genre, I try to keep an open mind. Well, that is, until the guitar shredders ruined everything. I try to understand music that I can hear, but how on Buddha’s green earth am I supposed to even hear music played at a blistering 400 beats per second?
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Okay, this one’s for all you garlic addicts out there. Gag. Ahem. Now, in all fairness, I fully understand the health benefits of eating raw garlic. Garlic has been known to have countless health benefits over the years, and honestly, I can’t blame you for that. Well, actually, I can. There is no way to say this eloquently, my friends, so I’ll just go ahead and yell; Garlic breath stinks!
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So, my fellow sarcastic anomalies, this is part 3 in my ongoing hysterical rant regarding technology replacing that very special organ lodged within our heads. Technology is slowly but surely taking over the very traits that mark us as human beings. If this isn’t an example of bad technology, I’m not sure what is. Internet acronyms. If your response to that was “Wtf?”, then I’m afraid you’re one of the subjects of this particular rant.
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So you’re running late to work, stubbed your toe on the way out the door, shook your fist at the hordes of traffic and nearly swallowed your breakfast whole. Not a fun morning – I sympathize. Truly. Which is precisely why the last thing you need in your angst-ridden life is to wait on line for forty-five minutes at an ATM machine.
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